practicing my calm

Best parenting advice:

A while after I read this, I had the “opportunity” to be a better parent. Truman spilled water all over my pillow and then drip, drip, drip down onto my years of stacked General Conference Issues with notes, my Bible, and my new fun Every Day Magazine. They aren’t completely ruined, but got wet enough to make me say, “aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh”.

Oh Heather.

I then made the choice to practice my calm voice (not the norm ’round here lately, especially with little Tru who tries my patience most of the day).

I told myself, “Heather, Truman is more important that paper.” It’s true. I explained why I was sad that the prophet magazines were wet and asked him to not touch the diffuser again. My calm voice carried a better message than my ‘aaaaaahhhh.” He felt sad with me and said he was sorry. He didn’t scream or hit or spit (his normal reactions to any parental correction). I think my reaction changed his reaction. Sigh… We are both learning. And although my calm voice doesn’t always keep him calm, it certainly would help a majority of the time.

I learned a great lesson from the scriptures a few years ago. Nephi & Lehi were preaching to the Lamanites. They were imprisoned. Fire encircles them … yet burns them not. A cloud of darkness overshadowed the people and then a voice from above, calling the people to repentance:It was not a thunderous sound. There is POWER in calm. The Holy Ghost can touch hearts when there is mildness.

I just need to remember to “practice my calm voice.”

Another fabulous parenting tidbit I read in this article

Love this reminder… instead of a power struggle with kids, help put the responsibility in their lap. Instead of “Did you finish your homework?” try, “What are your plans for finishing your homework?”

Another book I’m reading right now that helps with this paradigm shift (at least for me) of teaching is I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better by Gary & Joy Lundberg. It helps teach me how to walk beside others without hauling their burdens on my shoulders and shove them “MY” way. We can support and love compassionately without having to solve their problems… we can encourage them to know how to find solutions to their situation. Love this for all situations in life… especially with R.S. & parenting.

Shauna says:

April 20, 2012 at 6:39 PM

Wow Heather, I love this post. I was thinking along these same lines today (had a bad yelling day yesterday and my actions just made everything worse for everyone). Anyway, I just love the scripture you shared: “It was a still voice of perfect mildness…”
I will have to read that book also. Thank you.

Alison says:

April 20, 2012 at 7:31 PM

Love every single tidbit of parenting advice. Thanks so much Heath!

P.S. As I was typing this comment an hour ago, Brenner somehow managed to get 1/2 the tube of toothpaste all over the counter, his pajamas, and his arms. I was so glad I had just read your post! I used a calm voice and just tucked him into bed with a happy smile on his face. I owe you much thanks. :)