[Observation: I’m not filtering much these days. I know this post is mostly for me – for the record… so that someday when I’m 50+ I’ll remember to be kind to young mothers because I REMEMBER the long days. Hopefully I’ll REMEMBER and recognize the blessings that were poured out upon me as well.)
Lately I’ve tried to focus on being grateful for MOMENTS. This is good.
But last week when I was flying solo as mom to five (with 3 under 3 at home ALL.DAY.LONG.), I realized that there are oodles of wonderful (yet short) MOMENTS yet the days are long and hard. This is when CHARACTER is built. Let’s just say that lots of character will be built in the next few years.
I find myself with these thoughts…
“If only we can make it until quiet time.”
“Just keep going until the kids get home from school.”
“Survive until dad gets home from work.”
“phew… we endured another dinner time with tots.”
“I think it’s one of those days for early bedtime.”
“Is it Friday yet?”
Not exactly positive affirmations here…
I’m cruising through the days… trying to keep everyone alive (mostly keeping Eliza safe from Tru!!). I think I need a daily PURPOSE… a goal to accomplish with the tots… so I don’t wish my days away.
I BELIEVE in the value of my purpose/mission as mother… to lead and guide these little spirits. It’s honestly easier to believe when things are smooth sailing … when you don’t have to live all the hardest, ickiest parts of housework (cleaning barf and poop and eternal spills). Some days it feels like all I’m doing is keeping Tru and Max from screaming at each other all day. Even Max prayed last night, “Grateful that Truman don’t hit, scream, pinch, or kick.”
I’m really trying… really. I try to use wisdom, listen to the Spirit, pray to be filled with LOVE for my family. And often I feel like a complete goober of a mother – really. Sometimes I just stare glassy-eyed at the situation in silence… wondering what is best to do. Tots are screaming/fighting over a toy, baby is hungry, kids need help with homework or chores, dinner isn’t ready or even planned, dishes are piled, floor has crumbs, glass door has gooey fingerprints. I stare… and pray… and then act… wondering if I will ever get it right.
So yes – I’m trying. I wonder how hard things would be for those who don’t try … for those who don’t take their calling as parent seriously. Maybe it’s easier for them because they don’t make efforts… I don’t know. But this quote by Elder Eyring’s mother, I BELIEVE…
We’re not here on earth for leisure and vacation… it’s a test… time to see what we’re made of… all those fabulous character-building days. Then there’s booger Satan who tries to discourage anyone doing good.
Elder Henry B Eyring, “Raise the Bar”, BYU–Idaho Devotional, January 25, 2005
We’re definitely climbing mountains lately… we’re finding a new normal with a new little person in our family… each child is in a different stage of life… it’s ever-changing. Mom and dad are tired. There is stress affecting everyone. I liked Elder Uchtdorf’s advice to slow down in times of difficulty.
Uchtdorf, Dieter F., “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign, Nov. 2010
The purpose of life is not to speed it up – but to focus on the basics. So for now, we’ll strive to keep everyone alive, semi germ-free, mostly happy, and making efforts to choose the right.. And hopefully I’ll do better at having a purpose for each day to stay focused on loving my little ones amidst the chaos. I’ll continue my goal to enjoy the milliseconds of peace instead of just waiting for the days to speed by.