Cankles, high waters, and tests… oh my!

1.  Cankles…  I’ve got ’em.  Sure ‘nough!  It’s pretty much a joy to hit this stage… sigh… not! I’ve also got a pretty awesome gap between my maternity shirts and pants. Not cool people!

2. High Waters… Abe’s got ’em. I can’t believe how fast this boy grows. I buy him pants and 2 seconds later, there is a big gap between his pants and socks. Shopping list for the week: new Sunday pants and socks for Abe.

3. Tests… oh – so – many … and I’m tired of them already. My doc announced on Monday that I have twice a week non-stress tests, once a week labs (gotta love all the bruises on the arm from those), and once a week 24-hour urine. So that pretty much wipes out 3 days out of my week. I’m grateful they are watching me close with the pre-eclampsia jazz… but it might be a long 5 weeks. Blood pressure – please lower yourself. It’s one thing to say to a friend, “wow… that is hard. I’m sorry you’d had to deal with that.” But it’s another thing to be concerned about your own health and your own baby and be away from tots for hours on end for appointments. Thinking about all that is raising my blood pressure. Yikes…

Good news: I had an ultrasound and it’s still a girlie (phew… ’cause I had a dream it was a boy and it threw me for a loop). At 33 weeks she’s about 4 lbs 13 oz at 50% or so. She was looking good. I have oodles of amniotic fluid for her to swim in, which I’m hoping is the explanation for my gynormous belly. Grow healthy Bessie – grow healthy.

With all the resting I’m attempting to do (key word: attempting)… I’ve been thinking about the challenges in life – big or small. I know mine right now are very minor compared to what they could be – so I’ll try and count myself blessed (key word: try).

One scripture that has come to mind many times…
I’ve always thought about this scripture for youth – and making correct choices. But this week I’ve thought about it in regards to hard challenges. It does take courage to do right in the small and simply daily choices… to have courage when you feel like being afraid, to be strong when you feel like crying (can you be strong and cry too?)… to know that no matter what happens, that God is watching over you and strengthening you, even if things aren’t exactly to your pleasing in that moment. And a dear friend reminded me that all the doctor appointments and tests are but a small moment … and having a healthy baby and mom is worth it.  Yes, indeed.

Another tender mercy moment was reading Elder Holland’s message in the July 2011 Ensign. I was browsing through it and realized it was the very talk I loved from our Regional Conference. It’s where the principle of having a reservoir of faith to call upon really hit home for me. Especially the last paragraph noted here is my favorite.

“Little wonder that faith always has been and always will be the first and abiding principle of the gospel and of our work. It is the heart of our conviction that the work not only should go forth but that it also can and will and must go forth.

“I don’t know how else mothers and fathers could leave those babies in those makeshift graves on the plains and then, with one last look, weep their way forward toward Zion. I don’t know how else a woman like Belle Smith could set her children at the edge of a cliff and muscle her wagon down the perilous incline. I don’t know how else Samuel Claridge could sell all he owned and head off to build Zion in the desolate Muddy Mission. The fundamental driving force in these stories is faith—rock-ribbed, furnace-refined, event-filled, spiritually girded faith that this is the very Church and kingdom of God and that when you are called, you go.

“Nurture your own physical and spiritual strength so that you have a deep reservoir of faith to call upon when tasks or challenges or demands of one kind or another come. Pray a little more, study a little more, shut out the noise and shut down the clamor, enjoy nature, call down personal revelation, search your soul, and search the heavens for the testimony that led our pioneer parents. Then, when you need to reach down inside a little deeper and a little farther to face life and do your work, you will be sure there is something down there to call upon.”

Jeffrey R. Holland, Faith to Answer the Call, July 2011 Ensign

Anyhoo… I’m working on simplifying… staying calm… trusting God… and reaching deeper. And in the end, I’m so very grateful for the angels who have come to help do my dishes and laundry and loved my children. My mom and sister Amy have watched over us this week. Jimmy and Hannah have covered lots of duties… and I think Abe is trying. Trying is always a step in the right direction.