journal

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the kids are sick. no bueno.
it started with miss hannah right before church yesterday.
barfing. ick.
then abe … in the middle of the night…
puke… all over the carpet.
i’m glad we have a carpet cleaner.
i don’t think jimmy and i slept for more than 3 hours.

this morning I was feeling a bit grumpy from it all and I thought:
“why am i feeling down about life being hard sometimes?
i chose this life didn’t i?…
i knew coming to earth would brings tests, trials, sorrows…
i chose to get married…
i chose to have kids …”
although they came a bit faster than i anticipated…
but that’s not a story for today.

sickness is part of mortality.
remember this heather:
Eve knew that it was better to pass through sorrow so that they could know the good from the evil.

These scriptures from Moses 5 are interesting to think about:

And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had [children], and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters.

Even though Adam and Eve worked hard through much tribulation, they realized that they had a blessed life… that it was a blessing to have the hard times so that the [eternal] joy could exist. I guess they knew it all came together… the pain and the joy. And I liked that they made it known unto their children… they taught their children about the gospel plan.  Interesting.

Anyhoo… that was more random and longer than i anticipated.

Onto a related topic:
Yesterday was heavy… that’s the best word to describe it. It was good but deep.  My mind was full of inspired counsel from the bishop, thoughts from ward council, needs of my family, and the R.S. sisters. I looked around R.S. and saw burdens on the sisters shoulders and in their eyes. I visited some sisters who are struggling with health, doubt, testimony, and confusion. The scripture that came to mind… as a prayer for all… Be Encouraged Heather…
Be Encouraged sick little ones…
Be Encouraged sisters…
Christ knows thee…
and will lift thee up.
Isn’t that about the best thought ever!
I love this quote to go along with that idea… In sorrow and joy we can always count on Christ!

state of the heart

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I really love this quote that Elder Andersen shared in General Conference. I found Rachel Jankovic’s writings and wanted to remember a few that hit home.

“Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work. Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.”

“The gospel is not just something to talk about Sunday morning while you are in clean clothes and the kids are looking orderly. It is not limited to quiet times and reflective moods. It is something to apply while you are in a difficult position in the back of the car trying to buckle a child up who is playing the kazoo and needs their nose wiped. God is not above these moments. He is teaching us, and leading us, and refining us, in them. He wants to see our faith in action. He wants to see us feeding our children with the grace that he has given to us.”

“The state of your heart is the state of your home.”

by Rachel Jankovic |  2011
http://www.desiringgod.org/
Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches

17 Miracles

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Wow! So we finally watched 17 Miracles this weekend. Before we watched it I was being bratty about wishing for fun things like new clothes that fit, ipad, cool new car, kitchen-aid, sewing machine, non-drafty house, etc.

Enter … HUMILITY… why do I ever think I’m truly in NEED when I am so abundantly blessed? (i like that phrase?… abundantly blessed… one of my blog friends used it and it’s my new favorite concept to think on.)

It really was a touching movie. Jimmy saw it months ago at a movie screening for his department at work… he cried for the first time in 20 years. True Story. Those pioneers sure suffered through hard times. The Lord must have known they were strong… or that they would be refined and made more pure. “We can do Hard things” takes on a new meaning after thinking about all that some endure.

Here’s the trailer:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SResQFe35S8[/youtube]

9/11 Ten Years Ago

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I wanted to remember this message shared in the Washington Post by President Monson. My favorite parts are in grey.

9/11 destruction allowed us to spiritually rebuild
By Thomas S. Monson

The calamity of September 11th, 2001 has cast a long shadow. Ten years later, many of us are still haunted by its terrible tragedy of lost lives and broken hearts. It is an episode of anguish that has become a defining moment in the history of the American nation and the world. This week, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, along with Tom Brokaw, will pay its own homage to the unforgettable events of September 11, 2001.

There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.

Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.

Our Father’s commitment to us, His children, is unwavering. Indeed He softens the winters of our lives, but He also brightens our summers. Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us. He has promised us that this will never change.

But we are less faithful than He is. By nature we are vain, frail, and foolish. We sometimes neglect God. Sometimes we fail to keep the commandments that He gives us to make us happy. Sometimes we fail to commune with Him in prayer. Sometimes we forget to succor the poor and the downtrodden who are also His children. And our forgetfulness is very much to our detriment.

If there is a spiritual lesson to be learned from our experience of that fateful day, it may be that we owe to God the same faithfulness that He gives to us. We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. It should not require tragedy for us to remember Him, and we should not be compelled to humility before giving Him our faith and trust. We too should be with Him in every season.

The way to be with God in every season is to strive to be near Him every week and each day. We truly “need Him every hour,” not just in hours of devastation. We must speak to Him, listen to Him, and serve Him. If we wish to serve Him, we should serve our fellow men. We will mourn the lives we lose, but we should also fix the lives that can be mended and heal the hearts that may yet be healed.

It is constancy that God would have from us. Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were. We can make Him the center of our thoughts and His Son, Jesus Christ, the pattern for our behavior. We may not only find faith in God in our sorrow. We may also become faithful to Him in times of calm.

i am grateful for this moment

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Today’s MOMENTS:

~ Watching tru run with floppy arms around the yard to gather the balls and bats. He stopped to blow a bug off the fence. When we ate popsicles he kept his hand on my leg. He wore his kickball shirt with pj bottoms (seeing as the other 4 pants had blast-o-poop on them from today!). Cute lil’ boy.

~ Seeing my mom hold Eliza. Glad we live close enough for my kids to know Grandma & Grandpa.

~ Laying down for an hour with only a few kid interruptions.

~ Date/Movie night with Jimmy & Eliza.

~ Remembering a moment from the other day when Max emphatically corrected Hannah, “Her name not Lizzie… her name Baby D’liza.” Makes me laugh.

~ Sitting in the bright sunshine on the porch with Max.

~ Abe’s wide eyes during FHE when he learned that someday he could be a God & create worlds.

~ Hannah making muffins by herself for a snack for the fam.

~ Tru laying on my shoulder and saying, “Love you.” (without being prompted!)

~ Abe commenting on how long his leg hairs have grown. He’s very proud to be growing older.

Quote shared by Melanie Mauer

Teach them to walk in Truth

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This is a mish-mash of thoughts streaming through my head as of late. …About Motherhood… awareness… mindfulness… teaching truth… survival… joyful moments.  I don’t have time or brain power to filter through it all… so yes, it’s a bit lengthy.

1. My blog friend Jenifer shared this insight related to Mosiah 4:14-15, “we realized that our natural tendency is to be upset when our kids don’t do what we want them to do. Upset that they haven’t learned yet, instead of concerned and excited to TEACH them.” That is sooooo me… way too often. Teaching children to LIVE IN TRUTH and LOVE ONE ANOTHER is so very important, isn’t it. Teach instead of Lecture… teach instead of hollering… teach instead of trying to force… teach with LOVE… these are my goals.


2. I recently had a conversation with my sis, Janers, about mindfulness, a Buddhist principle. “Continuous, clear awareness of the present moment. An attentive awareness of the reality of things … always returning to this moment.” She shared the insight of living in the moment and not worrying about all the other things you could be doing… to be simple in your expectations and BE with your kids instead of trying to multi-task.   Yes, we all have to multi-task sometimes.  This is life.  But whenever possible, I can focus my attention on one child and hear him/her out instead of half-listening while checking email, etc.  This principle goes hand-in-hand with LIVING IN TRUTH. If I see things as they really are, hopefully I won’t feel as overwhelmed by the daily stuff.

Mindful awareness recognizes that each experience is temporary, and with practice, you can learn to ride the waves of everyday life, allowing each one to arise, peak, and pass away, as all experiences do. Mindful awareness can help you notice and derive greater enjoyment from the simple, subtle pleasures of life as a mom – the way the light shines on your little one’s fuzzy head, or the grasp of his hand on your finger – no matter what else may be going on.

Mindful Motherhood is a way of approaching the ups and downs of… motherhood with open eyes and an open heart. It involves … seeing the world in a new way. You are more and more often able to meet what is happening as it is and to make a choice about how to respond that is based on the actual situation and your values, rather than reacting unconsciously or habitually. {Mindful Motherhood}

I know this is an important principle to stay sane (and endure well) as a mother of young children.  With 5 kids under 8 (3 of those under 3), I get overwhelmed physically and emotionally very easily. On those DIG DEEP DAYS, when I’m having a hard time digging deep, I call Jimmy several times a day for some emotional support so I can keep going with love in my heart. sigh…  He’s a good chap to endure my emotions.

As I head into this week flying solo and still recuperating, my goal is to enjoy all the golden moments… to be aware of the good, even if it’s just a moment. Enjoying Tru’s little pudgy fingers rubbing my arm. Sparkly eyes and smile from Max. Hannah going the extra mile to help. Abe being a peacemaker. Sighs and snuggles from Eliza. Hugs from Jimmy. Time to breathe, rest, and maybe even smile. Funny moments of laughing as a family. These are things that happen, but don’t always last throughout the day. But… they DO happen … and make life enjoyable.

I am aware that my tots are growing up… slowly but surely. I will miss the good things about each stage. Especially with newborn Eliza, I want to appreciate the sweet, quiet moments with her little spirit, straight from heaven. It’s hard when things are always so bonkers with the other 4, but the other night when it was dark and quiet, I knew it was important to appreciate that moment, even if I was tired. As Jenifer mentioned, if you concentrate on enjoying that moment, instead of wishing you were asleep, it won’t seem quite as dreary to be up in the middle of the night. Hard to remember… but a good thing.

I know as I recognize the MOMENTS and say a prayer of gratitude, my mind and heart will stay soft and full of LOVE for my children. I hope I can train myself to be mindful of the good and stay positive. I know the next few months will try my patience and energy level.  My goal is to think often… “I am grateful for this moment.”


3. I love this quote that my AFG friend Jill Carpenter shared. We all need encouragement, don’t we! I get discouraged way too often, and I need to remember that the Lord is my strength and encouragement when times are challenging… (like cleaning up poop off carpet and clothes and diapers from 3 littles allllll day long… or 5 little people needing me at the same time… or that killer 4-8 afternoon shift).  Plus, we are not alone.  Other moms are going through the same things.  We can do it together, right?  With God, all things are possible!

So – I’m trying… I’m not there yet. I’m honestly pretty bad most days at living these 3 points I just mentioned…. but I’m trying… and praying that I’ll do better so I can be a more loving and righteous mother of these 5 tots (still can’t believe I have 5 kids, by the way… I’m still a little girl myself…sigh…)

More Important to be Nice

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Yesterday Hannah came home from school with oodles of excitement over making a new friend in her class, a cute girl who happens to be on the same bus and lives just around the corner. This girlie gave her a friendship bracelet. Hannah was thrilled.

Today Hannah came home from school and said this girlie didn’t want to be her friend anymore because Hannah sat by another girl on the bus (another neighbor girl who was nervous about riding the bus for the first time and her mom wouldn’t be there to meet her). Girlie #1 thought Girlie #2 was weird and so she figured since Hannah was friends with her that Hannah must be weird too. Oh, the drama!!

What is a mother to say?

I realized I’m not exactly sure what to say in all situations. I hoped my words would be appropriate and helpful and wise. Since I wasn’t sure what to say, I asked Hannah what she thought the right thing to do was. She knew it was important to be kind to everyone, but I think she felt bad that she had lost her new friend.

We talked about how Girlie #1 probably wasn’t worth being friends with if she wasn’t kind to others. Then the mormonad came to mind,

“It’s nice to be important {or well-liked by all},
but it’s more important to be NICE.”

We talked about how Christ was kind to all people – even (or especially) when they weren’t accepted by the crowd. She seemed to feel better about things after that.

Mostly this situation helped me realize that I have to do better at being tuned into the Holy Ghost so that I can always be filled with the right words to teach and advise my children. I generally think of the best thing to say hours or days after conversations. My brain isn’t exactly clever or quick, I suppose. I certainly am not the best at handling tough social situations. Friend stuff can get so tricky (especially with girlies). I hope my mind will be filled with the right words to comfort my kids when feelings are hurt by other kids … when things are hard socially. Sigh… it just gets more complicated as they get older, doesn’t it?!

Hannah is a dear girl… she really is. I hope she is always kind… (moms never really know what goes on at school, the bus, and church). I liked that after I showed her the mormonad on the computer she asked if there were more of those. She found a New Era and looked up the mormonad in that issue. I like this Hannah.

1st week of August

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Not much going on these days with me trying to rest and keep my feet up. I’m always so grateful for those who help while I’m gone to doctor’s appointment and non-stress tests. They are angels who keep the kids going having fun. Here’s a little of our week:Max had a rash for 10 days. Weird. We finally took him to the doc and they said it was just a virus. He had a fever for 3 days and was super irritable for the rest of the time, but I think he’s finally over it. Yay.

We built a fort with blankets and chairs. The kids read the Diggingest Dog and ate a little lunch in there. It went much better once Tru was taking a nap. But it was mostly fun and was a good diversion.

Kids swinging outside. Tru could swing for hours I think. Hannah and Abe are good to help push him so I can side on the sidelines and observe.

Tru is such a cute little thing… but I’ll tell ya… that boy has a mind of his own. If it’s not his idea – he sooooo isn’t okay doing it. The picture on the bottom right makes me smile. The only thing besides church pants that I could find were those shorts… which appear to be one size too small. It was awesome. He parked himself right by me on the porch to watch the kids play.

Hot potato game – do ya think Max liked it? Oh yah! He didn’t ever want to toss it because he wanted it to end with him. They all laughed and laughed… well, until Tru accidentally threw it way too hard at Max’s head when he was 2 feet from him. Games often end in tears with the littles, don’t they.

Hannah – oh, Hannah… why did you decide to curl your hair around a comb? I worked on it for 10 minutes then turned it over to Jimmy. I was ready to cut bangs and call the stylist to bob and layer the rest. Jimmy, on the other hand, loves that Hannah is getting longer hair, so he stuck to that mess. He ended up cutting the teeth of the comb… and then snipped the comb into a few parts to get it out. 30+ minutes later, she just had a bunch of knots which finally came out.

Last of all… I had just said how nice it would be to have a treat today… and Sister Grow knocks on the door with a full pan of hot cinnamon rolls. That woman listens to the Spirit, I’ll tell ya. I think she did that 6 months ago right after I was longing for some cinnamon rolls. Yum! I’m so grateful for those who have brought food and have watched over us the past few weeks. Good people! I want to be as good (and aware of other’s needs) as friends and family have been to us.

These photos are from our one outing this week… my sanity to leave the house. We ate pizza at the park and the kids played. Hannah and Abe enjoyed climbing trees and playing frisby (until Hannah got whapped in the mouth). Tru loved the rocks. He sorted the little ones and climbed on the big ones. We hardly even saw Max because he was so busy going down the swirly slide. It’s fun to enjoy a park with huge trees, shade, and benches.

During my personal time/church today… I listened to Julie Beck’s talk from April 2011 Women’s Conference. I liked when she talked about the purpose of Relief Society… that it isn’t just to get together and socialize… but that it is to provide relief {“lifting up to a higher level of achievement, behavior in the Lord’s kingdom.”}

“We have an organization because we have a purpose. And when we have a purpose there is an expected work and outcome. Relief Society isn’t just a feel-good, get-together, let’s-enjoy-each-other, do-anything-any time-any-place for any reason. This is part of the Lord’s work… it has a purpose that was delineated by the Lord and His holy prophets.” Relief Society “provides an alignment with His purpose which helps us learn our unique duties and responsibilities…”

Anyhoo… all good stuff. It reminded me of how much I love the Relief Society Declaration.

p.s. ONE. MORE. WEEK. May the Light, Strength, and Power of God shine on us all … so we can endure. … endure well… sigh…

because I love doodles … and more

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I am sooooo not talented in the drawing category. I took an art class for oh – like – one day at BYU. The first assignment was to sketch a self-portrait. Uhhh… not so much skilled with that. Now digital… I can do digital. Others can design and I’ll put it all together.

But I admire those with artistic skills… such as this gal I found today … Heidi Grace Kress… (plus, isn’t Heidi Grace such a cute name).

Well… I love all her header images and with her permission I used some for more 3×4 quote cards. Aren’t they cheerful designs?!

In other news: Top 5  for today:
1. Talking to Abe on the phone. He ended with, “now I’m going to blow you kisses.”  I like Abe.
2. Hannah trying so hard to help with the boys. That girl’s a keeper!
3. Building forts and reading the Diggingest Dog
4. Sweet Pork Salad
5. the Hinckleys

***COLOR***

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Oh, how I love color… especially during the dreary winter months. I came across Design Seeds website via Pinterest. I love all the color combinations. One thing I noticed is that often I didn’t initially see some of the colors in the photo. Isn’t color fabulous!