meet the day singing

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Came across this poem today.I know I ought to greet the day singing…
being grateful for life … family … opportunity.
Yep – Need to work on that. Mornings aren’t my specialty.

Yesterday I was so super tired. I’m not sure why, but my body was drained. All I wanted was a nap.
At the end of the day, this scripture came to mind.
There is so much good to be done – if I can just keep going.
Today I’m recommitting myself.
The dishes and laundry need some attention.
My tots could use some one-on-one time with a nice mom.
I need to get on top of my game with Relief Society stuff.

Onward and Upward!

journal

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the kids are sick. no bueno.
it started with miss hannah right before church yesterday.
barfing. ick.
then abe … in the middle of the night…
puke… all over the carpet.
i’m glad we have a carpet cleaner.
i don’t think jimmy and i slept for more than 3 hours.

this morning I was feeling a bit grumpy from it all and I thought:
“why am i feeling down about life being hard sometimes?
i chose this life didn’t i?…
i knew coming to earth would brings tests, trials, sorrows…
i chose to get married…
i chose to have kids …”
although they came a bit faster than i anticipated…
but that’s not a story for today.

sickness is part of mortality.
remember this heather:
Eve knew that it was better to pass through sorrow so that they could know the good from the evil.

These scriptures from Moses 5 are interesting to think about:

And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.

And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had [children], and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

And Adam and Eve blessed the name of God, and they made all things known unto their sons and their daughters.

Even though Adam and Eve worked hard through much tribulation, they realized that they had a blessed life… that it was a blessing to have the hard times so that the [eternal] joy could exist. I guess they knew it all came together… the pain and the joy. And I liked that they made it known unto their children… they taught their children about the gospel plan.  Interesting.

Anyhoo… that was more random and longer than i anticipated.

Onto a related topic:
Yesterday was heavy… that’s the best word to describe it. It was good but deep.  My mind was full of inspired counsel from the bishop, thoughts from ward council, needs of my family, and the R.S. sisters. I looked around R.S. and saw burdens on the sisters shoulders and in their eyes. I visited some sisters who are struggling with health, doubt, testimony, and confusion. The scripture that came to mind… as a prayer for all… Be Encouraged Heather…
Be Encouraged sick little ones…
Be Encouraged sisters…
Christ knows thee…
and will lift thee up.
Isn’t that about the best thought ever!
I love this quote to go along with that idea… In sorrow and joy we can always count on Christ!

it was a day

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fall break.
super tired mama on really slow mode.
kids with lots of energy and little desire to do work.

nice friend to invite us over… or did we invite ourselves over?
got there so late.
remember… mama on slow mode…
+ crying baby when mom is getting ready.

feeding chickens, petting the cat… tru needs to live on a farm. really.
fun to visit with Julie…. a really great gal.
boys wasted their time by trying to play games on the computer. oh boys!
Ainsley loves Hannah. Hannah loves Ainsley and Emerson.

a late lunch. late quiet time/naps.
way too short nap for tru…. and mom.
imaginative play for tots… still warm enough to play outside.

minestrone soup for dinner. love those veggies.
having the hardest time as madre to 5, day 3 of flying solo. i’m a whiner. it’s true.

i need my jimmy.

jimmy calls from airport…
i am trying so hard to be brave… and strong…
and not yell at the kids…
trying to give occasional loves…
and tend to max who apparently really needed a milkshake before dinner…
tru who was pouring cups of water in the sink…
only it got all down and in the cupboards..
eliza was snoozing in the sling…
kept reminding hannah and abe to help and be peacemakers.

then i cry on the phone to jimmy.

kids realize “this is serious.” (you have to sing that like on wonder pets)
why does it take tears from mom for them to try a little harder?

dinner was good. tru ate so much soup. he loved the zucchini.
max didn’t like it… big surprise.
his tummy suddenly started hurting. big surprise.

vegetating and watching UP with popcorn (courtesy Abe)
neighbor stops by to let us know she put all the bikes and toys in the garage.
she put our garbage can in last night too.
she’s a saint to watch over us.

scriptures… motes in eyes and such
bedtime… late… remember… tired mama on slow mode.
i yelled. no bueno.

songs and sleep for little ones.
then … all was quiet.
more raspberries on ice cream.
peace.

pretty much i felt like a lousy mom today.
i wanted what i wanted… like peace and quiet and happy kids and sleep.
some days i’m better at teaching and loving my kids.
that was not so much today.
i was on survival mode instead of THRIVE mode.
these things happen.

my mom and i talked about this concept this week and I liked this quote she shared:

I am learning. a lot.
in my calling as pres.
in my role as madre.
as a mortal person trying to keep up with my spirit.

most days I feel like I’m doing the best in the circumstances.
some days I know I can try harder.
that would be today.

i can’t even manage caps, sentences, and normal punctuation.
do you think i’ll adore this picture some day?
i do.
but oh … at the time… i was tired of wiping up water… but more tired to keep him occupied some other way.
after all… he wasn’t screaming at anyone… and he was happy and busy.
plus, this photo reminds me of what a cute little person he is. sigh…

1 more hour till jimmy comes home.
wahoo.

Keep Calm Spin-off by ataglancegraphics

state of the heart

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I really love this quote that Elder Andersen shared in General Conference. I found Rachel Jankovic’s writings and wanted to remember a few that hit home.

“Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work. Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.”

“The gospel is not just something to talk about Sunday morning while you are in clean clothes and the kids are looking orderly. It is not limited to quiet times and reflective moods. It is something to apply while you are in a difficult position in the back of the car trying to buckle a child up who is playing the kazoo and needs their nose wiped. God is not above these moments. He is teaching us, and leading us, and refining us, in them. He wants to see our faith in action. He wants to see us feeding our children with the grace that he has given to us.”

“The state of your heart is the state of your home.”

by Rachel Jankovic |  2011
http://www.desiringgod.org/
Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches

Collecting Bedlamites

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I loved when someone (ok – really I re-listened to 3 talks trying to remember who said it – still don’t know… oh – jimmy said it was Elder Andersen) talked about how life and parenting are not about collecting children. It’s not like collecting postage stamps… which you can trade at the pawn shop. It made me laugh. There was bedlam all about for most of the day with our houseful of little bedlamites so I’ll be grateful for rebroadcast on the internet… and printed messages in the Ensign.

My mom commented that it is probably hard to hear General Conference with the kids about. Yes, it indeed is.

But I realized today that the purpose of General Conference for me right now in this stage of life is NOT for me to be able to sit down and take all the glorious notes I can while quietly listening to the inspiring messages.

Yes, someday… but today is not that day.

Today is the day to help my children learn to love General Conference. We make a fun conference mix of snacks. We print conference packets. We gather around the tv together. And half the time there is screaming and fighting and swiping of snacks, but sometimes the kids ask what the Apostles are talking about. Sometimes they figure it out. And then I think there is progress. Perhaps someday the kids will appreciate all the glorious truth being taught and will find JOY in sitting quietly and listening to prophets of God. We will give it TIME and try to be patient with all the wiggly little bodies all about.

These photos are of the tots while Jimmy was at Priesthood Session. Dinner and outside play seemed so chaotic. Littles NEEEEEEEDing is very constant. I love when we get pictures of real life. The tots were outside running around being ninjas. Max was holding his grilled cheese stick… I don’t think he ever finished it. Tru has a random bead necklace on with marker on his forehead and nose. Eliza wasn’t so fond of the wind outside. It’s just funny…. these kids. Then Bedtime came … with lots of tears from a-nearly-4-year-old.

Despite the bedlam (meaning … said 4-year-old was screaming in his room because someone – cough, cough… Truman… decided to “share” max’s popcorn… and Max threw a fit… tired child!), when we read in 3rd Nephi about Christ coming to America, somehow I still felt the Spirit. I love those chapters. The people believed even when they hadn’t seen – but then they had the blessing to see Christ and KNOW that He lived. I loved talking with the kids about that. What if it were us? … our family … there in the land of Bountiful at the temple… and we saw Jesus. Neat! Anyhoo… I’m way off topic.

Yes… we’re definitely collecting bedlamites… not to trade… to love and cherish forever… for they are AWEsome. (i can say this only because I’ve had 2 hours after bedtime to recuperate from it all. Off to bed!)

p.s. why does abe look sooooo tall in these photos? that kid is growin’ like a weed, i’ll tell ya.

a mother hen: Principle of Gathering

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[I know, I know… I’m just getting longer and longer these days in my babbling posts. But I share because this is my space to note important things to me… and this is … well… important in my life. I suppose this is the beauty of blogs… uninterested persons can just ignore me and my babbling.]

In the Summer 2010 I went to an AFG Counselor Retreat Reunion. The theme: Gather Joy. This week my thoughts have been centered on the principles shared there on Gathering. When I was searching for my daily purpose with lots of little ones at home all day, I realized that part of the good I do as a mother is to be here in the home with my children, even if I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing a lot of chores or errands or tasks. Being here and gathering my children around me is of utmost importance. I realized it’s part of my purpose here on earth to help my family feel the Love of God. I can best do this by gathering them to my heart to feel love, learn truth, feel the Spirit. So when I’ve been flustered or overwhelmed this week, I’ve tried to keep these thoughts of GATHERING close to the surface.

[It started the other day when I knew I woke with a bad attitude. I was tired and didn’t feel very well. I told Jimmy I needed to change my attitude if I were to be a nice mother. One thing he reminded me of, that we’ve talked about lately, is that if we can have the Spirit with us, we will be filled with love and patience and wisdom as parents. We also have talked about how sometimes it’s hard to take time to do the things that bring the Spirit into our life. I don’t have oodles of time during the busy days to ponder quietly and such. But I decided I could keep thoughts in my mind and heart that would remind me to have the Spirit. Anyhoo… that’s where this started. So that day I thought of the principle of GATHERING.]

Thoughts shared at our retreat and I wanted to note them here:

“The doctrine of gathering is eternal in nature and broad in scope. We shouted for joy while gathered in the Grand Council in the premortal life (see Job 38:7). Our prophets have wisely taught us to gather to the stakes of Zion in our homelands “for a defense, and for a refuge from the storm, and from wrath when it shall be poured out without mixture upon the whole earth” (D&C 115:6). We gather in general and stake conferences to receive counsel from our prophets and leaders. We gather each Sunday to be taught, to testify, and to renew sacred covenants. We gather for auxiliary and leadership meetings to get organized and to enjoy the company of other Saints. We gather in holy temples to redeem the dead and remind ourselves of holy commitments.

“But the home is the vital gathering spot. We find refuge in our homes as we gather each Monday night in uplifting family home evenings. There is safe haven as we gather daily in family scripture study and family prayer. We gather for bonding conversation at meals. Each day we find a few moments of peace and calm in a troubled world as we gather up our scriptures and immerse ourselves in them. Our feet are shod with the gospel at each gathering. Each gathering is a defense and a refuge from the world. Indeed, each gathering strengthens, purifies, and prepares us.”

Spencer V. Jones, “Messages from the Doctrine and Covenants: Finding Hope in the Second Coming,” Ensign, Jun 2005, 58–60

Doctrine of Gathering in the Scriptures:
D&C 33:6 “Even so will I gather mine elect …, even as many as will believe in me, and hearken unto my voice.”

Moroni 50 tells about how Moroni gathered his people together and built strongholds to protect them from the Lamanites. I love this analogy when thinking of gathering our family in our home … to protect and strengthen.
:1 heaps of earth round about all the cities
:2 upon the top of these ridges of earth … timbers built up to the height of a man.
:3 upon those works of timbers there should be a frame of pickets…; and they were strong and high.
:4 towers to be erected that overlooked … pickets, and places of security … built upon those towers.
:6 Moroni did prepare strongholds against the coming of their enemies, round about every city in all the land.
:12 “Moroni, with his armies, … did increase daily [in strength] because of the assurance of protection which his works did bring forth unto them.”

3 Nephi 10:5
“How oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.”
Christ speaks to the people in America after hours of destruction and darkness. There was no glimmer of light… and Christ talks about gathering. He compares himself to a mother. Christ is always ready to gather … to protect and comfort under His wings… as a mother hen gathers her chicks.

{Every day
Gather our Children…
help them feel the LOVE OF GOD, love… comfort… safety… healing
ask them for forgiveness…
love them…
teach gospel principles…
invite the Spirit…
conversations…
don’t let a day go by that you don’t bear your testimony in some way to your kids…
power in testimony!!…}

Lastly… I saw this quote on Pinterest today and decided it has to be my new answer when grocery store clerks say I’ve got my hands full. It’s perfect…. and it reminds me how blessed I am to have little ones to gather. I need to remember that on days when I’m physically weary from all the wiggly snuggles from tots.

Good moments… Long Days…

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[Observation: I’m not filtering much these days. I know this post is mostly for me – for the record… so that someday when I’m 50+ I’ll remember to be kind to young mothers because I REMEMBER the long days. Hopefully I’ll REMEMBER and recognize the blessings that were poured out upon me as well.)

Lately I’ve tried to focus on being grateful for MOMENTS. This is good.

But last week when I was flying solo as mom to five (with 3 under 3 at home ALL.DAY.LONG.), I realized that there are oodles of wonderful (yet short) MOMENTS yet the days are long and hard. This is when CHARACTER is built. Let’s just say that lots of character will be built in the next few years.

I find myself with these thoughts…
“If only we can make it until quiet time.”
“Just keep going until the kids get home from school.”
“Survive until dad gets home from work.”
“phew… we endured another dinner time with tots.”
“I think it’s one of those days for early bedtime.”
“Is it Friday yet?”

Not exactly positive affirmations here…

I’m cruising through the days… trying to keep everyone alive (mostly keeping Eliza safe from Tru!!). I think I need a daily PURPOSE… a goal to accomplish with the tots… so I don’t wish my days away.

I BELIEVE in the value of my purpose/mission as mother… to lead and guide these little spirits. It’s honestly easier to believe when things are smooth sailing … when you don’t have to live all the hardest, ickiest parts of housework (cleaning barf and poop and eternal spills). Some days it feels like all I’m doing is keeping Tru and Max from screaming at each other all day. Even Max prayed last night, “Grateful that Truman don’t hit, scream, pinch, or kick.”

I’m really trying… really. I try to use wisdom, listen to the Spirit, pray to be filled with LOVE for my family. And often I feel like a complete goober of a mother – really. Sometimes I just stare glassy-eyed at the situation in silence… wondering what is best to do. Tots are screaming/fighting over a toy, baby is hungry, kids need help with homework or chores, dinner isn’t ready or even planned, dishes are piled, floor has crumbs, glass door has gooey fingerprints. I stare… and pray… and then act… wondering if I will ever get it right.

So yes – I’m trying. I wonder how hard things would be for those who don’t try … for those who don’t take their calling as parent seriously. Maybe it’s easier for them because they don’t make efforts… I don’t know. But this quote by Elder Eyring’s mother, I BELIEVE…

We’re not here on earth for leisure and vacation… it’s a test… time to see what we’re made of… all those fabulous character-building days. Then there’s booger Satan who tries to discourage anyone doing good.

I like that the Spirit ENCOURAGES. We need more of that around here. I like this encouraging statement by Elder Eyring about moving upward… and onward.

Elder Henry B Eyring, “Raise the Bar”, BYU–Idaho Devotional, January 25, 2005

We’re definitely climbing mountains lately… we’re finding a new normal with a new little person in our family… each child is in a different stage of life… it’s ever-changing. Mom and dad are tired. There is stress affecting everyone. I liked Elder Uchtdorf’s advice to slow down in times of difficulty.

Uchtdorf, Dieter F., “Of Things That Matter Most,” Ensign, Nov. 2010

The purpose of life is not to speed it up – but to focus on the basics. So for now, we’ll strive to keep everyone alive, semi germ-free, mostly happy, and making efforts to choose the right.. And hopefully I’ll do better at having a purpose for each day to stay focused on loving my little ones amidst the chaos. I’ll continue my goal to enjoy the milliseconds of peace instead of just waiting for the days to speed by.

song for a 5th child

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Perfect little song for my life right now. I love that it’s called “Song for a 5th child.” Our house may never be truly clean again. After baby #2, things went down hill fast in the cleaning department. I’m trying to ‘Let it Go’ and not worry so much about what doesn’t get done. Yes, sometimes the piles drive me bonkers and I try to conquer them. Until I recover from this c-section the piles will have to wait. Right now, I really am enjoying snuggling my baby for most of the day … the needful thing. It does get a little tricky when Tru insists on sitting on my lap while I’m feeding Eliza though. I guess I’ll have to appreciate the middle of the night quiet times…. for babies don’t keep.

Teach them to walk in Truth

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This is a mish-mash of thoughts streaming through my head as of late. …About Motherhood… awareness… mindfulness… teaching truth… survival… joyful moments.  I don’t have time or brain power to filter through it all… so yes, it’s a bit lengthy.

1. My blog friend Jenifer shared this insight related to Mosiah 4:14-15, “we realized that our natural tendency is to be upset when our kids don’t do what we want them to do. Upset that they haven’t learned yet, instead of concerned and excited to TEACH them.” That is sooooo me… way too often. Teaching children to LIVE IN TRUTH and LOVE ONE ANOTHER is so very important, isn’t it. Teach instead of Lecture… teach instead of hollering… teach instead of trying to force… teach with LOVE… these are my goals.


2. I recently had a conversation with my sis, Janers, about mindfulness, a Buddhist principle. “Continuous, clear awareness of the present moment. An attentive awareness of the reality of things … always returning to this moment.” She shared the insight of living in the moment and not worrying about all the other things you could be doing… to be simple in your expectations and BE with your kids instead of trying to multi-task.   Yes, we all have to multi-task sometimes.  This is life.  But whenever possible, I can focus my attention on one child and hear him/her out instead of half-listening while checking email, etc.  This principle goes hand-in-hand with LIVING IN TRUTH. If I see things as they really are, hopefully I won’t feel as overwhelmed by the daily stuff.

Mindful awareness recognizes that each experience is temporary, and with practice, you can learn to ride the waves of everyday life, allowing each one to arise, peak, and pass away, as all experiences do. Mindful awareness can help you notice and derive greater enjoyment from the simple, subtle pleasures of life as a mom – the way the light shines on your little one’s fuzzy head, or the grasp of his hand on your finger – no matter what else may be going on.

Mindful Motherhood is a way of approaching the ups and downs of… motherhood with open eyes and an open heart. It involves … seeing the world in a new way. You are more and more often able to meet what is happening as it is and to make a choice about how to respond that is based on the actual situation and your values, rather than reacting unconsciously or habitually. {Mindful Motherhood}

I know this is an important principle to stay sane (and endure well) as a mother of young children.  With 5 kids under 8 (3 of those under 3), I get overwhelmed physically and emotionally very easily. On those DIG DEEP DAYS, when I’m having a hard time digging deep, I call Jimmy several times a day for some emotional support so I can keep going with love in my heart. sigh…  He’s a good chap to endure my emotions.

As I head into this week flying solo and still recuperating, my goal is to enjoy all the golden moments… to be aware of the good, even if it’s just a moment. Enjoying Tru’s little pudgy fingers rubbing my arm. Sparkly eyes and smile from Max. Hannah going the extra mile to help. Abe being a peacemaker. Sighs and snuggles from Eliza. Hugs from Jimmy. Time to breathe, rest, and maybe even smile. Funny moments of laughing as a family. These are things that happen, but don’t always last throughout the day. But… they DO happen … and make life enjoyable.

I am aware that my tots are growing up… slowly but surely. I will miss the good things about each stage. Especially with newborn Eliza, I want to appreciate the sweet, quiet moments with her little spirit, straight from heaven. It’s hard when things are always so bonkers with the other 4, but the other night when it was dark and quiet, I knew it was important to appreciate that moment, even if I was tired. As Jenifer mentioned, if you concentrate on enjoying that moment, instead of wishing you were asleep, it won’t seem quite as dreary to be up in the middle of the night. Hard to remember… but a good thing.

I know as I recognize the MOMENTS and say a prayer of gratitude, my mind and heart will stay soft and full of LOVE for my children. I hope I can train myself to be mindful of the good and stay positive. I know the next few months will try my patience and energy level.  My goal is to think often… “I am grateful for this moment.”


3. I love this quote that my AFG friend Jill Carpenter shared. We all need encouragement, don’t we! I get discouraged way too often, and I need to remember that the Lord is my strength and encouragement when times are challenging… (like cleaning up poop off carpet and clothes and diapers from 3 littles allllll day long… or 5 little people needing me at the same time… or that killer 4-8 afternoon shift).  Plus, we are not alone.  Other moms are going through the same things.  We can do it together, right?  With God, all things are possible!

So – I’m trying… I’m not there yet. I’m honestly pretty bad most days at living these 3 points I just mentioned…. but I’m trying… and praying that I’ll do better so I can be a more loving and righteous mother of these 5 tots (still can’t believe I have 5 kids, by the way… I’m still a little girl myself…sigh…)

More Important to be Nice

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Yesterday Hannah came home from school with oodles of excitement over making a new friend in her class, a cute girl who happens to be on the same bus and lives just around the corner. This girlie gave her a friendship bracelet. Hannah was thrilled.

Today Hannah came home from school and said this girlie didn’t want to be her friend anymore because Hannah sat by another girl on the bus (another neighbor girl who was nervous about riding the bus for the first time and her mom wouldn’t be there to meet her). Girlie #1 thought Girlie #2 was weird and so she figured since Hannah was friends with her that Hannah must be weird too. Oh, the drama!!

What is a mother to say?

I realized I’m not exactly sure what to say in all situations. I hoped my words would be appropriate and helpful and wise. Since I wasn’t sure what to say, I asked Hannah what she thought the right thing to do was. She knew it was important to be kind to everyone, but I think she felt bad that she had lost her new friend.

We talked about how Girlie #1 probably wasn’t worth being friends with if she wasn’t kind to others. Then the mormonad came to mind,

“It’s nice to be important {or well-liked by all},
but it’s more important to be NICE.”

We talked about how Christ was kind to all people – even (or especially) when they weren’t accepted by the crowd. She seemed to feel better about things after that.

Mostly this situation helped me realize that I have to do better at being tuned into the Holy Ghost so that I can always be filled with the right words to teach and advise my children. I generally think of the best thing to say hours or days after conversations. My brain isn’t exactly clever or quick, I suppose. I certainly am not the best at handling tough social situations. Friend stuff can get so tricky (especially with girlies). I hope my mind will be filled with the right words to comfort my kids when feelings are hurt by other kids … when things are hard socially. Sigh… it just gets more complicated as they get older, doesn’t it?!

Hannah is a dear girl… she really is. I hope she is always kind… (moms never really know what goes on at school, the bus, and church). I liked that after I showed her the mormonad on the computer she asked if there were more of those. She found a New Era and looked up the mormonad in that issue. I like this Hannah.